My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The best revenge is premature balding
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
