If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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