can u get pink eye on your cock?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
