i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
