Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She bit a glass in half.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
