so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
