woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
