I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
