How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
