I'm really into asian looking animals
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
