Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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