i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm both gender and math confused
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
