he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dick very happy bro
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
