He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
