brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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