You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
