I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you never un-have a 4some
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
