nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
