One girl and one boy is just not enough.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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