I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Randomize
