he wants to bone in the snuggie
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
