Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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