I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
