i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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