He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
