the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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