Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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