Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize