you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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