How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
