Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
thus making me awesome and them whores
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
