I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
