After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
