hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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