Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
