the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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