I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
