my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
