I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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