Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point

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(707): View more from California

We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.

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(408): View more from California

He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina

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(301): View more from Maryland

Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.

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(941): View more from Florida

Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I have jury duty tomorrow

(207): View more from Maine

I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...

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