I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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