I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
