I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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