end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
