I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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