i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
