Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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