i think my tv is drunk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
