yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
