so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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