Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
