he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm passing your future prison.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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