o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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