i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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